Teacher

 This week, it was hard to be a teacher. 

Maybe you're thinking, "Well,  that's a normal thing for a teacher to say." But let me separate two things: teaching as a career and being a teacher. 

It's always hard to teach. It's never easy to do what a teacher does all day every day, especially doing my job during hours outside of my contract. That's never easy. 

But being a teacher? Usually, it's a pleasure, something that brings me joy. I love my students. I love being someone they can talk to. I take seriously being their confidant. I cherish sharing my personality and love of the French language and culture with them.

Yet this week, it was really, really hard because I had to be a teacher who was strong, fearless, diligent. I had to show up again and again emotionally for students who may or may not have felt as terrified and vulnerable as I did after the school shooting this week. 

About 8 minutes from my home, there is a private Christian school that children in kindergarten through 6th grade attend. On Monday, a 28 year old woman shot her way into the school and killed three children and three adults. 

My school is situated right by the hospital, so imagine being informed about the shooting, then hearing the sirens of the ambulances, carrying the children and adults to the hospital.

Imagine not knowing if your school is next; not knowing if this is a linked school shooting. Not knowing if your school will lock down or send kids home or just keep going like "normal."

I've always felt emotional pain in the aftermath of school shootings. But what is really hard is that this one was close to home. This one was different because it felt more real that it could have been my school. My life. My kids' lives.

I don't have a problem defending my students' lives with my own, but I don't want to do that. 

Solutions, you might ask? Well, first of all, giving teachers a gun is not the right plan. Where on earth would I keep it? And having guns on campus around hundreds of little kids? I don't know of any other job in the world where at the work place, you're expected to defend your life. 

Is it possible to up security at a school? Build doors that automatically lock, or that when opened, set off an alarm? Yes, but do we have the money for that? 

Nope. 

Wanna know where money is going? 

Sports. Infrastructure. The military. 

So when do we choose to find a solution that works? Well, that depends entirely upon us. Are we going to let the country remain polarized and incapable of discussion? Or are we going to push for change? Because anything above 0 school shootings is unacceptable. 

But since when has anyone listened to a teacher . . .