The thunderstorm has started. It said it would start at 10pm, and here we are. Having a 10pm thunderstorm. Wouldn't it be nice if all things in life were predictable? Understandable? Comprehensible?
The rain is coming down hard now, and there are some flashes of lightning. I can count between the lightning and the sound and gauge where the storm is relative to me.
But I cannot count seconds and figure out how far happiness is from my heart. Or why the heartache hurts for so long without any glimmer of healing. Or why I can't just push aside what I feel and predict a good outcome if I act in a certain way.
I don't always know what I need. I don't always understand what I feel.
I just know I need something.
And I also just know I feel something I don't want to feel.
...Is that complicated? Maybe I'm just a complicated person. I suppose to one degree or another, we all are.
The clouds get darker and the wind is blowing. I suppose the world is ready for a little bit of nourishment.
And so the rain comes.
I suppose that, deep down, I need to change. I need to make room for another person's needs over my own. I need to listen without judgment and speak without guile. I need to love unconditionally and validate continually.
I guess, in part, my emotions are such that I don't know how to handle similar scenarios. The first time I experienced this exact same thing in the past didn't end well.
And this time?
Flash. Pouring rain.
Thunder.
...Tears in my eyes.
This one must end better. It has to end better.
And so the rain comes down...
